The Ridiculous Adventure of Fred and George Weasley
by Ugnep2000
Summary: Fred and George Weasley investigate a mysterious name on the Marauders Map: Peter Pettigrew. Follow them through their ridiculous investigating and progressively crazier speculations. Humorous One-Shot.


The day started off as a normal one, at least by the Twins' standards. They had charmed Filch's robes a neon pink, and graffitied up his 'office' with magical paint. (Their deeds went unpunished, as the twins were never caught. Well, almost never.)

Their cauldron of Hair-Growth Potion had _coincidentally_ exploded as Snape was walking by, earning them both detention, as well as countless points lost from Gryffindor. The zero for the day was a bit unfair, though. There was absolutely nothing wrong with their potion, it worked surprisingly well on the greasy git.

The twins were now in their dormitory, plotting their next move. Fred was taking out the Marauders Map, while George watched the door. They didn't want anyone finding out about their precious tool now, did they?

Fred folded out the map, taking a cursory glance at their own location, to see if anyone was approaching. The coast was clear! His eyes settled on the Common Room, where Harry and Ron were sitting (or standing, who knows?) across from each other. Playing chess, perhaps? And right next to Ronniekins, practically on top of him, an interesting name was written: Peter Pettigrew. That wasn't a name he recognized. It could be an older student, but what was he doing so close to Ron?

"Hey George, take a look at this", he gestured in the general direction of the Ron-Peter area.

"Who's this Peter fellow, the name sounds vaguely familiar... He's awfully close to Ickle Ronniekins." George asked.

Fred shrugged in response. He looked back at the Map, a horrible idea forming in his head, "Ron and this Peter - They're _really_ close to each other. I mean, they're practically _on top_ of each other..." He trailed off, knowing the twin would catch his meaning.

George grew pale and he threw a horrified look at his twin. He shook his head frantically, "No, no. Ron's _eleven_! No way he's... he's... " The word remained lodged in his throat, unwilling to escape.

"Snogging!" They whispered simultaneously.

"Ron's a poof?" Fred said, half to himself.

George was still shaking his head in denial. "And what, Harry's just sitting there, watching them go at it?" He demanded fiercely. Alas, the moment the words escaped his lips, he knew what his twin's response would be...

"Ooh, kinky" Fred sniggered.

At that moment, the door burst open, revealing none other than Oliver Wood. Curses! They'd been so distracted by this Peter that they hadn't noticed Wood coming up.

Fred hastily muttered "Mischief managed" under his breath, folded up the Map, and slipped it into a pocket. They smiled innocently at Oliver.

He frowned suspiciously at them. By now, he knew better then to ask what they were up to.

George was suddenly hit with a burst of inspiration.

"Say..." He began.

"...Oliver", Fred continued, not really knowing where this was going.

"Would you happen to know someone called Peter Pettigrew?" George asked.

Oliver looked at them in disbelief, wondering what they were up to this time.

"You guys seriously don't know? He was that guy who got killed by Sirius Black years ago. Pettigrew confronted him, called him a traitor, but Black just blew him up. Poor guy's mom got all that was left of him, a finger. He even got an Order of Merlin for his bravery." Wood finished solemnly.

Oh. The twins exchanged a glance. Probably not snogging, then. Rather hard to that with a victim of a blasting curse.

Wood walked past them, leaving them to their own thoughts. They mused silently, thinking on what they had heard. Pettigrew was dead. Dead as a door nail. What was a dead man doing in the Gryffindor Common Room, of all places? Was the map malfunctioning? It showed every single person, secret passages, _how_ to use said passages, hell, it even showed Moaning Myrtle and the other... Hang on a sec- the map was not limited to the living, it also showed ghosts! Pettigrew had to be -

"A ghost!" They chorused. Of course! It all made so much sense. Peter might well be on top of Ron - ghosts could go through people, after all! They tended to have a poor understanding of personal space. But why here and now, a decade after his death? They wouldn't pretend to understand how ghosts worked - maybe there was a waiting period of sorts. Either way, this bore investigating. His location in the Gryffindor Common Room even made more sense from the way Wood described him. He seemed an honorable, brave sort of chap.

The Twins turned to look at each other. Their minds, as usual, were on the same page.

"So Gred, want to go meet this ghost then?"

"You know it, Forge."

With that, they were off. At last, an end to this mysterious Pettigrew affair. They _had_ to go see this ghost, of course. (There was still the minuscule, infinitesimal chance that there _was_ an actual student named after Peter Pettigrew; engaged in certain _activities_ with their younger brother.) Anyhow, their theory was indisputable, everything fit! They rushed down the stairs and burst into the Common Room, eagerly searching for the ethereal presence of Peter Pettigrew.

However, there were no ghosts in the Common Room. No ghosts near Ron and Harry, no ghosts hiding in the couch, (they checked) no ghosts lurking in the fireplace (you never know).

The twins let out an annoyed sigh. Looks like the mysterious Pettigrew affair had yet to reach its conclusion.

Fred spoke up, "Off we go to Ronniekins, he must know something."

George nodded his head in agreement.

They walked slowly to their brother, who was currently engaged in a game of chess with Harry. They could tell who was winning by Harry's worried expression and Ron's triumphant grin.

"Ickle Ronniekins..." George started off.

"Fellow brother and compatriot..." Fred added on.

Ron waited a good 10 seconds before deigning to reply, taking his time to move a bishop decisively across the board.

"Yes?" He inquired, not taking no his eyes off the board.

Fred took a deep breath before beginning the inquisition, "Did you, by any chance have an enlightening conversation with the ghost of the courageous and honorable Peter Pettigrew?" Whew, that was a mouthful. He should have split that up in twin speak with George.

The statement managed to draw Ron's eyes away from the game, "What?" He pronounced, looking absolutely bewildered.

George sighed softly, "Do you really want me to repeat that again?"

If possible, Ron became even more confused, "Repeat it? _He_ said that, not you!" Ron exclaimed, pointing at Fred accusingly.

Fred smirked, "We switched places when you weren't looking." Ron gave the both of them the evil eye, but Fred was undeterred.

"Did you or did you not talk with a ghost right at this table?" Fred asked, looking very serious.

Ron responded, no doubt annoyed, "We didn't talk with anyone since we started playing, right Harry?"

Harry nodded in agreement, his eyes still glued to the board, hoping to see a good move.

Fred frowned along with George. This was _very_ fishy, to say the least. Still, they had to be sure.

"No ghosts? None at all? Not one floaty, ethereal being from the beyond?"

Ron's patience wore thin.

"For the last bloody time! No ghosts at all! Go away already!"

Alright then. No ghost. Their amazing, perfect theory was inexplicably wrong. But did that mean that their original theory bore credence? The twins exchanged a worried look.

"Harry..." The boy finally looked at them, that was something.

"There wasn't another student around here, just a few minutes ago? Maybe an older one, watching your match?" George had to ask.

"No, no one just us. No one entered the Common Room, and we were the only ones here when we started playing", Harry said, polite as always.

George wiped his brow surreptitiously, he was glad that theory was wrong. But what to do now? Both of their ideas were incorrect. A tactical retreat was the best option now. George hurried over to the other side of the Common Room and collapsed unceremoniously onto a couch. Fred followed suit to his right.

They sat like that for at least 5 minutes, utterly bamboozled.

Fred eventually put up a silencing ward (they had learned it early, it was an essential tool in their pranksters arsenal) and uttered, "I solemnly swear I am up to no good."

He opened the map up and immediately began searching for the elusive Peter Pettigrew. His search lasted roughly three seconds.

"What the bloody hell!?" He shouted in exasperation. Right in the Gryffindor Common room, in the _exact_ same location; right on top of Ronald Weasley.

George ran over, looked at the map, and muttered something uncomplimentary under his breath.

Fred's face now matched his hair. "I swear, when we find this... this..." What exactly was he supposed to call Pettigrew, anyway? He settled on "Bloody Peter, I'll give him a pranking he'll never forget, glorified hero or not!"

Fred loudly stomped back to Harry and Ron, took a look around, (the Common room remained stubbornly ghost-free) and growled in frustration. He took a glance at the chess game (Harry was done for, poor lad) while George joined him.

This had gone too far. What had started as mild curiosity had evolved into... pandemonium. Where the hell was Pettigrew?! How was he hidden from them, and yet supposedly right in front of them? Oh. Fred suddenly felt _very_ stupid. 'Hidden in front of them.' What was a power that ghosts were capable of? INVISIBILITY!

"George, oh twin of mine, we are complete and utter dunderheads. Remember that time we were chasing Peeves back in second year, and we followed him into that empty classroom?"

George nodded slowly, uncertain why this was being brought up.

Fred continued, "We went in after him, but he was gone. But then he appeared right in front of us, out of thin air, with all those dungbombs..."

"Oh." George said quietly, realizing what his twin was getting at.

"Oh indeed. Well, at least we know the spell to detect invisibility. What was it - _revelare lutateram_? It works on Peeves, should work here."

"You want me to do it or..." George asked.

Fred grinned evilly, "Allow me."

Standing right behind Ron, Fred swept his wand pompously and intoned, " _Revelare Lutateram!"_

For a moment, silence. And then -

"Checkmate!" Ron exclaimed.

Fred was livid. Clearing his throat, he tried again. " _Revelare Lutateram!"_

Once, again, nothing. Not even a shout of 'checkmate!' from Ron.

George whipped out the Map, not even caring about the others' proximity. Right there, in plain black ink, clear as day - Peter _bloody_ Pettigrew. The twins were at a loss as to what to do. He wasn't a ghost, nor a person. It wasn't someone using polyjuice, as they saw the names of Ron _and_ Peter. It was just Harry and the three Weasleys in the Common Room right now. Not a hide nor hair of Pettigrew.

Ron reached into his pocket and transferred a sleeping rat to his other pocket.

Oh, and Scabbers was here too, the old rodent. He could tell it was Scabbers at this distance, as the rat was missing a toe on his front paw. George sighed. It was quite the conundrum.

Ron and Harry packed up the chess set and went off to their dormitory. Ron muttered something about "needing the extra sleep for double potions tomorrow."

George gave a little start as he glanced at the map. Pettigrew had moved, apparently! He had left the Common room and was now in... The first year dormitory? Still latched onto Ron, too!

George nudged Fred and pointed at the map. Fred's eyes widened.

"...What?"

Pettigrew and Ron had moved at the _exact_ same rate in their dormitory. What did that mean?

Fred exclaimed, "He's attached to Ron! Where Ron goes, he goes... Maybe, just maybe Black didn't kill him, but transfigured him into something!"

George eagerly continued, "Maybe into clothing, or, or... one of those chess pieces!" He finished triumphantly.

Fred frowned, "Is that even possible?"

George shrugged. He had no idea. They were only third years, after all.

Fred turned green as a thought occurred to him.

"George... What if Pettigrew is actually a robe or something - and Ron's wearing it and the transfiguration wears off..."

The twins stared at each other in horror for a second, before sprinting up the stairs and into the first year dormitory.

"Ron! Take off your robes, right now! It's important!" They chorused.

Ron did not even bat an eye at the Twins' antics. He turned to Harry and muttered, "You thought I was exaggerating? They're absolutely insane!"

The twins took this time to examine Ron, and sighed in relief. He had changed out of his robes and into pajamas. He wasn't wearing any socks either, that was good.

George took a cautious glance at the Map (which he had taken with from the Common Room - you don't leave something like that lying on the table) and slapped his forehead in frustration. There, innocently inked right above Ron's name was - was - arghhh - you damn well know who. No, not 'You-Know-Who', but you know - ah whatever.

Fred took a look, and emulated George's action. So, Pettigrew wasn't an article of clothing. The twins looked back at Ron. Yeah, just him, his pajamas, Scabbers... The rat was innocently sitting on Ron's chest, still sleeping.

George stared at the rat, his mind whirling.

"Fred, Scabbers was with Ron since he started playing chess right?"

Fred gazed mutely at Scabbers, understanding completely what his twin was getting at.

"He was with Ron the whole match..."

"And then Ron had him when he went to his dormitory..."

"And there he is right now, on top of Ron..."

The twins were ecstatic. No way _this_ theory was wrong. They hadn't even considered it before. The Map didn't show animals, they knew that. But what about humans transfigured into animals? They still had to prove this theory completely, though. The other ideas had also seemed very likely.

Their eyes were glued to the map, and Fred ordered, "Ron, could you give Scabbers over to Harry for a sec?"

"Why?" Came Ron's plaintive voice.

"Just do it."

A sigh from Ron. "Alright then."

Ron handed Scabbers (or was it Pettigrew?) over to Harry, who did not look too thrilled to be holding him.

Sure enough, the pair of feet labeled ' _Peter Pettigrew'_ was now next to Harry. The twins let out a joyous whoop of excitement, and started dancing a merry jig right there. The mystery was solved! And yet, they seemed to have even more questions now. Did Black turn Pettigrew into a rat? Did Pettigrew do it himself, and somehow mess it up to make it permanent?

They walked back to the Common Room, talking as they went.

" I don't get it. He's supposed to be dead! Nothing left but a finger, that's what Wood said."

"It does explain how Scabbers lived so long... He's been around for what, 10 years?" Asked Fred.

"We knew it was the same one because he had the missing toe. That is, unless Mum bought new rats and cut off their front toes..."

"Probably not. Wait up." Fred abruptly stopped. "Scabbers is missing a toe on his front paw. And all that was left of Pettigrew was..."

"A finger!"

"Exactly. Here's what I think - just as Black is about to cast the blasting curse, Pettigrew panics, starts transfiguring himself into a rat."

George nodded, and added on, "He's part-way through the transformation, but then the blasting curse hits, blowing off his finger and screwing up the transfiguration- "

"So Pettigrew is stuck as a rat. Wow." Fred shook his head in wonder, "Poor guy."

The twins eyed each other, uncharacteristically solemn.

"We should do something about this; tell someone." George began but was quickly cut off by Fred,

"Who, exactly? No one would believe us - they'd dismiss the Map as a faulty prank item... Still, you're right; we can't keep this under wraps..."

"McGonagall, I guess?" George asked reluctantly.

"If anyone knows how to fix it, she would" Fred agreed.

"Yeah, but how do we convince her to actually do it?"

"We'll come up with something, I'm sure" Fred reassured his twin.

"The hard part will be getting Ron to part with his rat"

Fred hmmed in agreement. Ron was surprisingly fond of the old rat.

They went right back up to the first year dormitory and found Ron, who was just getting in bed.

"Hey, Ronniekins..."

Ron's head swiveled towards them.

"What is it this time?" He said, exasperated.

"Would you mind lending us Scabbers for a little while? We need him for something important." Fred hoped this would work, unlikely as it was.

"Are you bonkers?! No way I'm letting you experiment on him" Ron clutched his rat protectively to his chest.

"Listen, Ron. This is important" George said gravely.

"We won't hurt him, just do a few harmless spells..."

"We'll give him back by tomorrow, latest" That was a blatant lie, but that was neither here nor there. What really mattered was getting this poor rat turned back into a human. They fervently hoped McGonagall wouldn't ask _how_ they figured the whole thing out though.

Ron acquiesced and handed them the rat (Bloody Hell! That thing was still sleeping!) with the warning, "If there's one whisker out of place I swear I'll jinx your hair green, _permanently."_

They assured him his rat would be fine, and hurriedly made their way to McGonagall's office. If all went well, Scabbers would have a lot more out of place than a whisker.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Minerva McGonagall sat in her office, nursing a scotch. She didn't know what Albus was thinking, bringing the Sorcerers Stone to Hogwarts of all places. 'A favor for Nicholas' he had claimed, but she knew there was more to it. She had wanted to make her own protection more challenging, but Albus waved aside her concerns as usual.

An abrupt knocking at the door drew her out of her pondering.

"Come in" she called.

The door creaked open to admit the biggest troublemakers of Hogwarts: the Weasley Twins. She sighed softly, craning her neck to spot the prefect or teacher that would inevitably be accompanying them. However, they entered by themselves and closed the door. Ah, they must have been sent up alone by a lazy prefect perhaps. She clasped her hands together and gave them a meaningful look.

"What was it this time, Misters Weasley?" She said, her voice resigned.

The twins exchanged rueful glances. Sadly, this was actually the first time they had willingly ventured into the Lion's lair.

"No, we're not in trouble..." One of them started.

"This time..." The other one added quietly.

"We actually had some questions about transfiguration" The one on the right said, waving something around in his - Good lord, was that a rat?! She had to physically restrain herself from snatching it out of his hand right then and there. Curse her feline instincts! She cleared her throat awkwardly, trying her best not to follow the rodent with her eyes.

"Is it possible to turn a human into a robe?" The twin on the left asked.

"Or a chess piece, maybe?" Twin #2 darted in before she could reply.

At the second twin's words, Minerva's breath caught in her throat. Great Scott! Had they already ventured forth into the forbidden corridor? Had they breached her protection?! She knew her protection was not the first one, they must've got past the other ones as well! What did this mean? "Merlin", she thought, "Don't tell me the Philosopher's Stone is in the hands of the Weasley Twins!" This was a disaster! She had to go tell -

"Professor?" The twins asked together, breaking her out of her panicked thoughts. Relax, Minnie, relax. It was an innocent question, probably nothing to do with her defenses... she hoped. Besides, she doubted a pair of third years could breach every single Professors' enchantments. She took a deep, soothing breath and focused on answering their questions.

"To the best of my knowledge, there is no spell to turn a human into a robe. It could be theoretically possible, but extremely difficult. Human transfiguration is the most challenging, and changing something living into an inanimate object makes it doubly so." She lectured.

"A chess piece, however, is an easier matter", She said, desperately _not_ thinking about her own giant chess set. "It is possible to do so, though it may retain a more human appearance" She concluded.

"If that is all...?" She said, hoping this was indeed the case. It was too early in the term for the kind of stress the twins induced. She caught sight of the rat again and suddenly remembered something.

"Does that look like a cat, owl, or toad, Misters Weasley?" She gestured at the animal.

"Err... no..." Fred replied (she decided to call the one on the right Fred in her mind).

George butted in quickly, "Actually, we think it might be a human."

"Oh?" She raised an eyebrow. It wouldn't be the first time she was fed some cock and bull story by this pair.

"It's a _really_ long story professor, but we believe this rat was originally a human..."

"Who turned himself into a rat. Or got turned into a rat by someone else..." The twin trailed off.

"May I ask _how_ you came to this conclusion?" She asked dryly.

The twins looked at one another nervously.

"Bit of a hunch, really..."

"Yeah, you know, trusting our instincts and all that" George chuckled weakly.

Both eyebrows rose this time. They were hiding something, that much was certain.

"I mean, it is possible, right?" Fred asked desperately.

She gave him a skeptical look, "...Yes. One wizard can change another one into practically any animal. Doing so to yourself is very difficult, and can often go terribly wrong. One can also become an animagus, (such as myself) and turn into an animal at will. However, I am almost completely certain that is not the case, as there are only 7 registered animagi in the past century. None are rats." She concluded.

The twins appeared to mull over her words.

"You can turn him back though..." Fred said, placing the rodent on her desk. The twitch in her eye was her only visible reaction as she struggled with herself not to grab it.

Instead, she focused on the spell to reverse human transfiguration. With a pointed jab of her wand she cast the spell at the rat. The bolt of white light impacted the animal and they all leaned forward in anticipation.

The rat twitched slightly (they leaned closer) and - and -

And woke up. It blinked slowly, and then closed its eyes. Yup, that's it. No sudden shifts to the realm of humanity; not a whisker out of place. Minerva sighed internally. Another one of the twin's tricks then.

The twins looked absolutely crestfallen.

"But... I thought..." Fred whispered in disbelief.

"It was foolproof... not like the other ones..." George muttered, looking near tears.

Seeing their sincere (or so she thought) disappointment, she didn't have the heart to deduct points.

"Your rat appears to be nothing more than just that, gentlemen." Minerva said, somewhat apologetically.

"I suggest you to get to bed as it is...", she paused to look at her watch, "10 minutes till curfew."

"Oh, and do be sure to get rid of the rat. They are not allowed in Hogwarts anymore."

"Anymore?" Fred frowned thoughtfully.

She smirked, "Given the sudden rise in cat owners in Hogwarts, the board of Governors decided that any rats would not last very long, and promptly banned them."

She added with a barely concealed grin, "Be sure to dispose of it quickly, as I may take matters in my own paws - ahem, hands, excuse me."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Fred and George looked at each other in terror. McGonagall wouldn't eat Scabbers, would she? Deciding not to find out, they fled out of her office as quick as they could.

"I can't believe it!" Fred bellowed as soon as they were out of hearing distance of McGonagall's office.

"It all fit - Everything!" Fred continued incredulously.

"It was the one theory that made absolute sense..." George commiserated. He glared at the slumbering rat, as if it was his fault for not being human.

Fred just sighed, for what seemed like the tenth time today. They had gone on quite a wild goose chase today. All those theories and ideas - all wrong apparently. Scabbers was just an ordinary rat who coincidentally was missing a toe.

"Well that's that then." Fred stated dejectedly. He took out the Marauders' Map and I think by now you know whose name he saw next to _Fred Weasley_ and _George Weasley._ Peter Pettigrew, the elusive rascal!

"It must be an error or something. Or the map has a mind of its own and is lying to -"

The twins watched in shock as the Map faded away completely, until nothing was left but a blank piece of parchment. And then, four words appeared in big, bold font:

 **THE MAP NEVER LIES!**

"Weird" said the twins together. It had never done _that_ before.

"Hmm, it must be an automatic reaction to a specific set of words - really advanced charm work for sure..." Even after two years, the map continued to surprise them.

Eventually they reached the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Alright, let's give back Scabbers. Ron'll be happy, he hasn't got a 'whisker out of place' after all" Fred started.

"Err, that might not be such a good idea" George countered with a pained expression.

"Why not, then?"

"... Unless _you_ want to be the one to tell him he's gotta return his precious rat" Fred elaborated.

George winced. "Ah. Good point, brother of mine. What should we tell him?" He asked.

Fred shrugged his shoulders, "We could just make up some nonsense about McGonagall catching us casting spells on him..."

"Ooh, that's good. Shall we go tell him?"

"Nah", Fred waved him off, "We'll do it tomorrow."

George smiled contentedly. Truer words had never been spoken.

 **AN: This one-shot might actually develop into a full-blown story if enough people actually want me to. Be aware however, that any continuation would take a while, as I haven't even begun to think about what I would do with this story. Please let me know in your reviews!**


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